Every so often, you take stock of your life. Every so often, you learn something new about yourself that you don't particularly like. Lately for me, it's been about romantic relationships; I sabotage great relationships whenever I sense a rough patch. I thought life was about learning from a mistake and not doing it again, but this seems to keep happening, and it's completely from my end.

I don't like being hurt, though I don't think anybody really does. My reaction to feeling threatened, it seems, is to offer my partner the easy way out and to be passively aggressive in conversation. I hate passive-aggressive behaviour in people! So why the hell do I do it?! I overthink, over-react over completely irrational thoughts that don't make sense. When I'm not doing that on my lonesome, I drink. Eh.

It doesn't make sense to me that relationships are where you're supposed to feel the most comfortable with yourself, where you feel so safe and alive… but the moment I get into one, I freak the fuck out over stupid things. I'm an asshole. Sometimes it makes sense to me as to why some single mothers stay single; there's so much baggage, and in contention with other women of my age, I tend to lose. I know I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to relationships, and I hate feeling so insecure. It must be exhausting to have to reassure someone constantly about how much you care about them. Ah, balls.

I just want to be happy and be a part of something beautiful where both people are completely satisfied.