I feel like complete and utter shit. This particular episode began approximately this time last night, probably PMT-related. It's hard to explain to people what you're down about when you're not quite sure, yourself. What's harder is not only the fact that the people asking are spectacular friends who are genuinely concerned about me, but also explaining to said people that you need to feel these feelings in order to move forward. It's not like I enjoy feeling like the only remedy to my current state would be to kick people's faces off.
Much.
Eh.
Whether it's my shorter-than-me attention-span or whether I actively set a time limit in my mind, I'll get over it and life will go on.
Spent Monday and Tuesday at Greg's, and he whipped up an awesome dinner of the biggest prawns I have ever seen in my life, Balmain Bugs, sandcrab, eggplant, and yam. The eggplant and yam were baked separately and the seafood was pretty much just plainly cooked and served cold… I've been raving about the wonders of yams lately, and he was kind enough to indulge my little yamphase.
Anyway, on Tuesday morning, I decided to take Charlotte window shopping down Darling Street… or what I planned to be window shopping. I spent way too much money on vintage dresses (circa early 1960s – late 1970s – OMG, best ever dresses, EVER) cocktail and dinner dresses, op-shopping, mini aubergines, yams, and second-hand books. I've read most of them already, but that was years ago, and now I'm actively expanding my library.
My book purchases this week were:
The Diary Of A Young Girl – Anne Frank
The Power Of One – Bryce Courtenay
The Bonfire Of The Vanities – Tom Wolfe
The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest – Ken Kesey
Stanley Kubrick: A Biography – John Baxter
Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
Lady Chatterley's Lover – D.H. Lawrence
Memoirs Of A Dutiful Daughter – Simone de Beauvoir
The Life And Work Of Sigmund Freud – Ernest Jones
Quartet – Marquis de Sade
Don't read too much into that list… the shop attendant looked at me like I was a fiend. The books were there to be bought, dammit. Actually, I'm really ecstatic that I've got a de Sade book in my library, as I've never seen any of his work available in bookstores. Jeez, I wonder why?
Argh, QLD beat NSW in the State Of Origin. For those foreign readers, that's football (rugby league).
Now. I'm off to drink, wallow, and suffer in my buyer's remorse.
June 14, 2006 at 1:37 pm
Can I join you in a little bit of kicking people’s faces off? I’ve a particular one in mind…a certain haggard old hag with peroxided locks…
And, you know, just anyone for fun.
June 14, 2006 at 11:53 pm
I haven’t read bonfire of the vanities in about four years, I remember loving it so I’m definitely going to have to pull it out of my bookcase now. As for the rest, they sound pretty interesting. I never really got into Bryce Courtenay though, have you ever read the book Cry Freedom? There is a movie on it as well. Brilliant stuff, you’d like it
I was watching arrested development the other night and it was discovered that the father had published videos of Michael and his brother fighting when they were younger, a series titled “Boyfight”… you should start up something similar, something along the lines of “Kicking People’s Faces off Who Deserve It Just Because They Do”
June 14, 2006 at 11:54 pm
and I can understand a little bit about what you mean of needing to feel certain feelings, it’s a cathartic process that we all need to go through at some stage. For example, my poetry is some scary, depressing shit… but I say to my friends who I show my poetry to (who are few and far between) that it’s worse if I am not writing. If I have been able to get my feelings out into a poem it means that I am able to move forward, otherwise the poem is stuck inside me and festering like a crusty wound
June 15, 2006 at 12:56 pm
Gee I remember reading this somewhere else hehehe
June 17, 2006 at 12:53 am
It seems like you were dealing with PMT just a few days ago… LOL
Guess what, people have up days and down days. Hopefully, the up days will outnumber the down and so-so days.
I don’t know if PMT is a legal defense in Australia for acts of violence. On the otherhand, you have plenty of reading material for your cell…
Take a deep breath. Baby steps. You can’t expect a ‘magic pill’ to do everything. It should just help you get to a point where you can gain some new perspective and try to adapt and grow.
Hugs.